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I was the second of five
sons to parents who apparently wanted children
but not the expense or inconvenience of
bringing them up. My father took no interest
in me at all and was incapable of standing
up to my mother. My mother had never wanted
me in the first place and enjoyed being
cruel towards me at every opportunity. The
rest of the time she simply shut me away,
in my room or out in the toilet, out of
sight out of mind.
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The youngest child died
soon after birth and was simply deleted
from the family, never to be mentioned again.
Although I was only about six at the time,
this event and the indifference of my parents
affected me greatly. Even before this, my
parents attitude to me had been poor. Shortly
after starting school I had fallen in the
playground and damaged my nose. My parents
could not be bothered to get the injury
treated properly and the damage remains
to this day. I also have deformed feet,
caused by wearing small shoes when young.
But now neglect would turn to abuse.
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The worst incident happened
when I was 9 years old. A sum of money was
stolen from my mother. I knew who had taken
it but my mother decided it had to be me,
guilty or not. She extracted a confession
by slamming the back of my head against
a wall, an extremely frightening experience.
My parents marched me down to the local
post office where they helped themselves
to my savings, the value of my life being
one pound and fifteen shillings. This incident
was a turning point, making me realise that
my mother was capable of harming me and
like any child abuser would be able to claim
it was my own fault. Today such abuse would
result in a prison sentence but at the time
I was completely alone, no teacher or social
worker was around to protect me.
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When I passed the eleven-plus
exam I did not expect a new bike like other
kids. Indeed I never did get a bike and
was not taught to ride one. What I got was
a roasting, I was going to cost my parents
money and this would never do. Doing well
was something I was supposed to avoid. Like
the contest we had in the family to guess
the licence number of our new car. I won
but that could not be allowed so I was disqualified
on the grounds that I had looked at other
cars and had therefore cheated. My parents
tried to get me out of school at fifteen
years old so I could earn money for them
and not gain any qualifications. I think
this was what my mother feared most, the
idea that I might do well. In the event
I stayed at school until I was sixteen,
passing six O'Levels which was more than
enough to take A'Levels and possibly continue
to university. This was never going to be
an option, I would have to leave school
and find work. I finished school on a Friday
and started work on the following Monday.
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My home life and the lack
of support from my parents made keeping
a job difficult and I lost three in the
first two years. I was in danger of achieving
exactly what they had wanted for me, failure.
No money, no home. My parents had to have
their money, I had to find a job. I decided
on a radical change of direction, I would
be a postman.
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